Interrupting Joy

I didn't know that my next blog would come so soon. But I guess that's how God works... 


I have a couple of fears that you may not be aware of. First, I don't like to be alone. I am (according to Myers-Briggs) a born extravert. Secondly, I don't like to sing, let alone sing in front of people, let alone listen to myself sing. But somehow, tonight, both of those fears were destroyed, or I'm one step closer to destroying them. 


At 3rd Wednesday at RockHARBOR (a prayer and worship night at the church I attend) I had planned on sitting with people that I knew and to make a long story short that didn't happen. Instead I was forced to sit there and focus on the Lord solely. Not only did I experience the Lord's presence but I also got to pray with and for people that I wouldn't have been able to had I been sitting with my friends! What a blessing it is to bless others!


Before we sang the last worship song of the night, we were reminded as a group, that God calls us His children and to have faith like children. We were challenged as a body to return to the joy of God's great news- that His Son, Jesus, sacrificed His life for us. Challenge accepted. Returning to the joy and hope that is restored in Jesus washed over me like pouring down rain in a drought. 


In the spirit of returning to joy and in the Spirit of God I was singing my heart out, like no one else was there but God Himself. I know this is how we're to worship every time, but I must confess that I am not a regular partaker in the solely singing to God action. 


But wait, it gets better! Remember how I told you that I didn't like the sound of my own singing voice? Well enter me. By myself. In my car. Radio off. Completely overcome with joy. And I cannot stop singing. I literally was shouting at the top of my lungs singing to God and laughing hysterically at the thought that God finds great joy and pleasure in this Himself, which made me sing even more. 


I've posted a link to the song that I was singing here. This, I believe, will be the song that I sing the entire way to South Africa, literally "filling up the skies with endless praise". 


My challenge for you... allow God to move in your heart, to return to the joy of knowing Him and having a relationship with Him, return to the child like faith that so many of us miss, return to Jesus- the One that makes everything whole, and out of this joy sing it out- at the top of your lungs, by yourself, and let the Spirit move you closer to Himself.

Father in Heaven, 

I pray for my brothers and sisters that read this.

I pray that you would draw near to them, 

that you would allow them to throw off every barrier that 

prevents them from knowing and experiencing your joy.

I pray that you will give them their own song, 

a new song that sings of your praises, 

of your love and of your unending grace.

Thank you that you specifically created each of our voices, 

and that you find pleasure in them, 

no matter how off-tone, off-pitch or off-beat they are.

Thank you that you have given life and that 

you have freely given it. 

May the songs in our hearts, that glorify and honor you,

forever be music to your ears.

May you find pleasure in hearing each one play.

In Jesus' name, Amen. 

This Week

Agenda for the week *takes deep breath*: staff meetings, skype dates, coffee dates, starting the 23rd year of my life, making some phone calls, reading a lot, watching the movie premier of a dearly loved book, oh yeah, and don't forget the fact that this time next week I will be on the complete opposite side of the world... don't know how I almost missed that one! Call me crazy, but I guess it's what I do.

Obviously, there is a lot going on.  Staff meetings, skype dates, and coffee dates have become the norm- a  huge part of my life. Staff meetings keep me in the know about what I'm held accountable for work, sometimes we get to have fun, but they are mostly boring ;) Skype dates keep me in the know with my friends and family that are across California, the US and the world. Without these times I would be clueless with how to pray for friends and keep relationships going. Coffee dates are so that I am in the know with friends that are here at home- that physically live close, because I need to know about their lives too!

(relationship saver)

My birthday isn't very exciting, in fact, I dislike it more and more each year. It reminds me that I'm getting old and maturing and having to make decisions and growing up and having to go into the real world for a real job. BUT if I can use it as an excuse for some of my most favorite people to be in the same place at the same time, then by all means let's celebrate the friends we have, the lives we've been given and the blessing that it is that the Lord has given us another year of life in Him! Can I get an Amen?

(cheesecake is actually my favorite, but I couldn't find a birthday cheesecake- do they exist?)

The Hunger Games is not to be taken lightly, but very seriously. I won't say much until after I've seen the movie, but please read the book before! You still have time and it's a quick read. More on this to come later, but nonetheless, both the trilogy and the movie will be a part of this week!

(The infamous Mockingjay pin, must-read to understand, no spoilers here, yet ;) )

Finally, probably the craziest of all these things is the reality that I will travel by plane for a total of 25 hours (not including layovers) to the beautiful, wonderful country of South Africa, live there for a whole 6 1/2 days and make the brutal 25 hour (not including layovers) trek back to the states! Yikes! While in the windy city of Port Elizabeth, I will visit with dear friends (both American and South African), initiate spiritual conversations with NMMU students, go on a safari (again?!?!) and be in the company of some of the most amazing people I know.

(hopefully we'll get some sleep, if not then I pray for a view like this one!)

Now that I've totalled the number things I have going on, I wouldn't trade one of them for anything. Wow! How blessed am I? This is unreal! Somebody please wake me from this dream! Who am I that I get to do all this with in a matter of days? There is just too much goodness for me to handle!

(It seriously is not real... going back to South Africa for the 2nd time in less than two years! Who would say no to that?) 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the life that you've blessed me with- 

one that is full of you, your grace, your work and your amazing people. 

Thank you that I can be a part of 

your Kingdom in such amazing ways. 

Thank you that you have chosen me- 

chosen me to do great works, to become a great work, 

and to get to share that with others. 

Thank you that you have planned the days of my life, 

and that you crafted this week, specifically, to be filled with goodness. 

Thank you that I get to walk closely with my brothers and sisters, 

as we take steps of faith to trust you more and more. 

Jesus, what a life you have given! 

I pray that this week would not become about checklists, agendas, 

and duties, but it would be a week full of your love, grace and mercy, 

and that it would be pleasing, honoring and glorifying to you. 

Lord please grant me the strength and courage to live in your Spirit this week. 

Please teach me more and move me to a closer relationship with you. 

In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Dependency

A few months ago, my roommate and dear friend spoke some truth into my life by telling me how independent I was and how I tend to do things by myself, and her being the awesome roommate that she is, offered help whenever I needed it. At the time, I brushed it aside, I kind of took it as a compliment, but now I see where she was coming from and how much and how often I attempt to do things in my own strength, which (without noticing) leads to...

Hurt, pain and temptation- all forms of weakness in the world's eyes and causes us to run and hide in isolation, in shame and in guilt. Additionally, we all have our own ways of making us feel better without getting to the deeper issues. We run to food, fantasies and facades to help us in our pathetic attempt to make everything seem better. In this attempt we can look like we're wearing one of these...

Recently I read something that speaks into this very issue that we all face

"The age-old story of the Bible is that we try to meet with our own idols the needs God is supposed to meet. We depend on man-made gods instead of the one true God. Again, it is a problem of dependency. Sin is failing to depend on God and not saying yes to his grace in all its various forms. Meeting our needs our way is idolatry and never works."


Needless to say, this hits me in the heart and something that I am so guilty of, even recently. I have heard sin described in so many different ways, all across the spectrum- bad things we do, missing the mark, disobedience, selfishness, the list really goes on. But, at its very core sin is independence, a lack of dependency on the Creator of the universe, who holds all things together.

And now for the sweet, saving part...

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted [hurt and experienced pain] in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin"
Hebrews 4:15

Therefore we should look to Jesus, the high priest, who has gone through, experienced and identifies with our state of hurt, pain and temptation. Solely through his dependence on God was he capable to accomplish and suffer all that he set out to do while here on earth.

Lord Jesus,

I give all praise to you- 

the one who was able to overcome this world and live a sinless life- 

fully dependent on God. 

I confess that so many times in just one week 

I try to meet my own needs, 

without depending on you. 

Please help me to surrender my efforts to you. 

Teach me more of what it means to be dependent on you. 

Fill me with your Spirit so that I may flee from my sin of independence. 

In your name

Amen

From circumstances to call to commission to children

Recently, there have been some set of circumstances that are outside of my control. Some things I just cannot change. I'm not sure about you, but when things don't go my way I am not a happy camper. I only realized this after finding out things that I couldn't change- I used to pride myself on always saying "Lord willing" or "All in God's timing". Sure I said those things and they are true, but the Lord knew where my heart was and is now teaching me about those things. One of my previous roommates and I talk about this a lot. She's probably laughing at me right now... ;)

So circumstances can be uncomfortable, or exciting, or unexpected, but I'm pretty sure that that is one of the main ways the LORD chooses to mold us into the person that we were created to be. It's crazy to think that 4 years ago I was a completely different person and how much the Lord has taught me since then. I look back and think about the circumstances that the Lord used to draw me closer to Him, to serve Him and to love Him. I would say that most of those circumstances I was not okay with. I didn't like them at all- even the dorm I lived in! But looking back that is just one example of how the Lord brought me closer to Him!

In addition to my dorm being one way that the Lord drew me in, was my involvement with Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru). Looking back, I see close friends (now) that were warm and welcoming and cared about me, even though they barely knew me. I see the truth of God's Word come alive in Bible Studies on Tuesday nights at Starbucks. I see amazing community of truth and grace at our weekly meetings and of course, loads of fun.

I trust that the Lord will continue to use similar circumstances in other people's lives, but the Lord has placed a call on my life to be a part of this for His lost sheep. It's crazy to imagine the Lord's plan- none of us can fathom!- but to think that the LORD literally holds everything in His palm! While our calling or our blessings are nice for us- they are really meant for other people to receive and benefit from, and they probably don't know about it! Oswald Chambers depicts this in amazing ways, so I will just conclude with that...







The Commission of the Call by Oswald Chambers


We make calls out of our own spiritual consecration, but when we get right with God He brushes all these aside, and rivets us with a pain that is terrific to one thing we never dreamed of, and for one radiant flashing moment we see what He is after, and we say - "Here am I, send me."

This call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured-out wine. God can never make us wine if we object to the fingers He uses to crush us with. If God would only use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured-out wine in a special way! But when He uses someone whom we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would never submit, and makes those the crushers, we object. We must never choose the scene of our own martyrdom. If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed; you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.

I wonder what kind of finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you, and you have been like a marble and escaped? You are not ripe yet, and if God had squeezed you, the wine would have been remarkably bitter. To be a sacramental personality means that the elements of the natural life are presenced by God as they are broken providentially in His service. We have to be adjusted into God before we can be broken bread in His hands. Keep right with God and let Him do what He likes, and you will find that He is producing the kind of bread and wine that will benefit His other children.

...I want the Lord to use me as poured out wine- to serve others, to help reach His lost sheep. Please help do this for the Lord by joining my Ministry Partner Team! You can do that by clicking here and giving any amount that the Lord leads you to give.

~Until the whole world hears,
E

Sweet Serenity

This is what showed up in my mailbox today

On the inside- notes from my staff team and the message "I'm not comin' out till you come back!" Adorable. I totes miss my being with staff team and not being able to plan for this upcoming school year.

I've had a pit in my stomach for most of the day knowing that my staff team and other student leaders started a retreat today, and I made the (hopefully wise) decision to stay back and work on making phone calls. It makes me sick to know that after 5 months, I have yet to see my goal reached.

With a deadline in just under 4 days and 57% left to go I am desperate and confused and barely holding on. With a tiny glimpse of hope, 4 days, and lots of prayer, by this time next week I will be fully supported and probably sleeping after an exhausting day on campus meeting thousands of incoming students at UCI!

Today, I was actually on campus and it was literally a ghost town. I had to stop in the park and take in the silence of the soft breeze and the stillness of late morning. Its been hard to find quite in such a busy, moving world. I may be losing my mind because of it. Maybe its a combination of the crazy weather, staring at the computer screen for most the day, or maybe its just because I'm in over my head. Whatever it is, the quietness of the park this morning was peaceful and serene and just what I needed in this go-go-go pace of support raising and phone-calling.

In light of this peace, there is the still the reality of 57%... Join me in praying for my support to be done by Friday. Join me in helping taking the Gospel to UCI students. (click here) Join me in seeing lives changed. Join me in trusting that there is more than to come. Join me in believing that there is still so much to be done in this city. Join me in faith that the LORD is surely sovereign over everything! Join me in hoping in the One that surrendered it all so that we could live. Will you join me?

The LORD's promise that there is more to come: Haggai 2:1-9

some call me crazy

This summer has been a whirlwind, to say the very least- between taking 3 summer school classes, working around 20 hours a week, raising financial support for an internship and looking for a new place to live, I have managed to save some of my sanity. Praise the Lord. It was all (almost) done by His grace, and His grace, alone.

I received an email from a friend about a week ago asking me to pray for him and his sister who is starting college this year. I was so encouraged by his caring heart for his sister, but it also got me thinking about other freshmen students that are entering into college this fall. Gosh, I remember being a freshmen and I don't think I fully understood what I was getting myself into, honestly, I think I was just excited to get away (sorry Mom and Dad). In thinking about my friend's sister and all the other freshmen coming to college, I was thinking about how many of them know Christ, how many don't know Him, how many may have heard of Him, how many may have heard lies about Him, how many are working and striving to do well in school instead of living in the freedom that only He gives. It kind of tears me up to think about some of those things, but I think it mostly gets me excited!

Freshmen are some of the most open people that I know. They are at such a vulnerable place, to make decisions that will effect them for the rest of their lives. Really scary, but what if it didn't have to be? What if the decisions that freshmen made allowed them to experience freedom instead of pressure, faith instead of fear and love instead of self? What if making a decision for Christ changed their lives for eternity?

For the past 2 years I have had the blessing to lead freshmen women Bible studies at UCI. Each of the women that I have the privilege to know and love during these past 2 years has created a special place in my heart for themselves. Their love for each other and for others and their fun personalities and honesty and desire to grow as a women and in their relationship with the Lord has been so encouraging. If you are one of them and you're reading this, I hope you know how much I love you! :)

But this brings me back to the freshmen that are entering UCI this fall... I am SO incredibly excited to meet them, to help them, to laugh with them, to show them where the beach is, to see them adjust to becoming adults- SO excited. But here's the catch, in order for me to be fully invested in doing all of this, I have to be at 100% of my financial goal. My internship with Campus Crusade for Christ, is giving me an amazing opportunity to invest in these students- and change their lives (hopefully) for eternity. Well I won't, but Christ will! I have just 9 days- that's all- to find people that are passionate about what I am doing and to give prayerfully and financially so that I can do this full time! I am trusting that the Lord will provide 10 people to join my team at $100/month and another 8 people join at $50/month!

This is crazy- believe me, I know it! But isn't it crazy to think that a Holy God would completely humble himself and become man to die for people that are not holy, sinful and selfish? Yeah, I would call that crazy too. But crazy good! And how crazy is it that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is in those that believe in His name?!?! The same Spirit that was able to do the impossible, made it possible. I'm trusting that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, is the same Spirit that will bring in all of my financial support so that I can invest in these students! Will you be crazy and trust with me? Will you be crazy and be one of the people to join my team at $100 or $50 a month?

Speaking of all this crazy, I am reminded of Francis Chan's book "Crazy Love". Its a must read. If you so choose to decide to give, you can do that here:

Or if you wish to contact me for more information or questions about that, you can get me at erinpfarley@gmail.com

Music. Treasure. Risk. Joy.

Music
I love country music. I'm sorry for those of you that disagree, but hear me out (and I promise this entire blog is not about country music). Country music is fun, soothing, catchy, sometimes hopeful and even tear-jerking at times. One of my favorite artists is Carrie Underwood. In the car on the way home tonight her "Wasted" song came on. Here are some of the lyrics if you don't have it memorized, or have never heard the song before:

"For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted"

This song conveys risk. Whatever she was running from, be it a relationship or a life of partying and drinking, it involved risk. One of the reasons I like Carrie Underwood so much, is because she takes risks. Most of you probably know that she won American Idol a while back and that is how she is so famous. I remember hearing her tell the story of how she ended up at an audition, that she drove an entire day, across a number of states, to stand for a few minutes in front of Randy, Paula and Simon to sing for them. She risked her life of comfort, of what she was used to, for something she knew was better. She risked her life of jadedness, a life that was tired and dull from working on a farm in Oklahoma, for a life full of risk of writing songs and singing and doing what she is obviously so talented at. Ironically, right after this song was over two songs came on back to back about living an easy-life, about the "Only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair", and "ain't facin' reality". Both great songs, but that of course is another blog post. Bonus points if you know the songs! :)



Treasure
Something else I love are pirates. But not just any pirates... The Pirates of the Caribbean! Love the movies. Sadly, I still need to see number 4. The first is my favorite. Not because its the original, but because they really are on a hunt for treasure, they were trying to return it of course. Remember all the gold medallions that they are searching for? Love it! Captain Barbossa and Captain Jack Sparrow (love, by the way) are on the hunt to redeem themselves from a curse, to live a life that was far better than, literally, walking zombies. I was reminded of this movie after doing a Bible study last night, crazy right? But yes, the Bible led me straight to Pirates, sort of. We were studying Mark 10: 17-22. (I suggest reading now, if you need a refresher). This man, who we later learn is young, and has many possessions, runs to Jesus and falls at His feet. Desperate much? Potentially. The man asks Jesus how to inherit eternal life. I wonder if he was thinking about all the possessions that he had and trying to figure out how he could take everything with him once he passed this life on earth. I wonder if he was thinking like King Tut, a young Egyptian ruler that was buried in several gold tombs, hoping that he could take all his wealth with him. Poor King Tut to face the reality of working so hard to gain nothing. Jesus, loving him, tells this young man to sell everything, then he will have treasure heaven. I think He was asking the man to be like the man in Matthew 13:44 who risked everything for a lot that contained treasure. I think that Jesus was asking him to literally sell everything, not because Jesus is cruel, but because He knew that there is greater life than storing up many possessions in this life. He is loving and good and caring and I think He was after the man's heart. He was after an everlasting relationship, after His beloved. I think Jesus himself is on a treasure hunt like the Pirates. Searching for his long, lost, gold medallions and returning them to where they belong. We too are on a treasure hunt, searching and hunting for something that will bring us life. Not just life now, in this very moment, but eternal, everlasting, life.



Risk. Joy.
Bringing it home now. I Googled the word 'risk' and learned that Risk is a game about conquering the world. Sounds similar to Monopoly, but I've obviously never played so correct me if I'm wrong. I also got many other definitions of risk. Some involving taking uncertain chances, negative chances, sometimes good chances. I learned about risk in investments and other boring statistics. It got me thinking to the things that we risk when we sit back and do nothing. We risk our lives in a lot of ways. We risk waking up one day and finding our lives wasted. We risk missing out on a treasure hunt that leads to eternity. We risk living a life that is lacking love, joy, patience, even pain. While that last one sounds some what appealing, how many times have you been in a situation that is painful, almost unbearable, but you cling to the hope that you will be redeemed, that the pain will eventually subside? That my friends is risk. Living life like there there is, literally, no tomorrow, despite the pain that it may cause. I must confess that I did not live that way today. I think the greatest thing I risked was a sunburn from sitting in the sun for an hour. I'm not really sure that I'm okay with living life that way. While I did enjoy myself, I think I, maybe even you too, am being called to live a life that is risky, that is uncomfortable. Where would Carrie Underwood be if she took a risk in risking nothing? Probably still farming. Where would the Pirates be if they didn't risk all they had to find their treasure. Probably getting drunk somewhere in the middle of an ocean. Where would the man that found the treasure in Matthew be had he not sold everything for that plot of land? Probably living a life full of regret. Where would we be had Jesus not risked His life for us? It's scary to imagine the possibilities on this one. I think one of the coolest things about risky living is the reward. Oh man, when you take a risk, a small chance and the return is far greater than when you first began! It makes it all worth it! When we risk our lives for the Greatest Kingdom, for our Great King, for our Bridegroom, for the Carpenter that hung on a cross for us, for Jesus, what immeasurable, unspeakable Joy.



**All the pictures by the way, are just some of the people that I treasure. Not just our relationship, but I truly treasure them as people.