100,000 Miles

In my mind, a long time ago, someone, somewhere, decided that they would set up a monument to remember, celebrate and evaluate the journey that had just come to pass and decided to call it a milestone. Much like in Joshua 8, when the people of Israel built an altar for the LORD, celebrating the promises that He had kept.

Here’s my most recent milestone:

I drove the 100,000^th mile in my car!

Very insignificant I know, when you break it down, but for me I got to relive many hours and miles spent in that car. Here’s a history of my car for you and an understanding of why I have come to love and appreciate it deeply…

My car was given to me as a gift from my Dad and my Mom on March 17, 2005 (5 days before my 16^th birthday, before my driver’s training test).

I passed my driver’s training test while it was raining :)

Jewels (aka my car) has survived numerous car accidents- that were not all my fault!

She helped me make the move to college, got me to the beach, took me to the mountains and has been my escape when I needed a break from my reality.

She has witnessed many hours of awful singing, and hours and hours of conversions about the love, grace and mercy of my Savior Jesus.

She has been the vessel that carries students and friends to and from Church and retreats, where they learned and grew and trusted with Jesus with their lives.

Yes, she is just a car… It is just a car. But I am so thankful for the journey that she has taken me on, that she has played such a huge role in. Thanks Mom & Dad for giving me such an incredible gift. Thank you Lord, for taking such an insignificant item in your eyes and using it to glorify Yourself. You continue to amaze me on this journey You call life- full of bumps in the road and breathtaking views.

Couldn’t help but think of this song while writing this blog

A Time to Mourn

“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” Ecclesiastes 3:4

The last few weeks have felt like a roller coaster- including lots of weeping, lots of laughing, lots of mourning, and even some dancing.

Most of my weeping has been a result of watching a movie, or reading a book, but some of it was an effect of saying bye to my family, not knowing when we will all be together again. Sometimes I feel like a big baby, with sensitive floodgates.

Me, Joanne (Sissy), Candace, Joseph

Spending time celebrating Candace's Graduation, 

not knowing when we will be together again. 

Floodgates are now opened.

On rarer occasions, the weeping has been a result of laughing so hard I cry. I’m thankful for the people in my life that can me laugh so hard that my entire body aches from laughing so hard. They have a true gift.

Weeping and laughing are some of the very few things that I think I do well. I almost pride myself on my ability to cry like a baby, or laugh until it feels like I have a six-pack going on, purely from laughter.

Roommates: Rae, Jill, Margo, Me

at a Coldplay concert, you better believe we danced our booties off!

Mourning, however, is something that I am learning to experience, learning to process and learning to live in. The last few weeks have been a season of mourning. Mourning the end of an incredible internship. Mourning the end of season of learning at UCI. Mourning the end of a community that can only be explained by experiencing it. Mourning the end of working with incredible people that have laughed with me, cried with me, g-chatted with me, spoken words of wisdom to me, and extended grace to me.

Mourning has a way of making us look behind us, to the past, to the things that have been so good, to the things that have made us who we are today, in this moment. But as I mourn the things of the past, and knowing that some of them will never be again, or will forever be changed, I am confident of the new season of life I am about to step into, no matter how foggy it may seem.

Speaking of being foggy, I was reminded of a time in my life, when I would drive about 40 minutes to and from my dad’s house to school or vice versa, sometimes making the long drive to the boonies late at night. Sometimes at night, the fog would be so thick you could barely see the road, sometimes just the solid yellow line to the left and the solid white line to your right, just feet in front of the car. I think that’s how I would describe my life. There is a fog so thick in front of me, I am almost driving blind, but I cling to the painted lines on the road to guide me, to direct me. As long as I continue to follow the painted lines that God has given to me, I know that I will make it home safely.

Thank you Lord, for the painted lines in life.

Thank you that you have not abandoned me, left me, or let go of me.

Thank you for the moments of laughter and weeping, 

and for the seasons of mourning and dancing.

Thank you for my family, my crazy, sometime complicated family.

Thank you that you bring us together long enough to remember that we are family, 

but not too long to drive us all insane.

Thank you that you are eternally, constant, unchanging, and loving.

Here is a collection of pictures from the past few weeks that have greatly been a part of this season of life.

The Farley's: Brother, Sissy, Candace, Me, Dada, Grandma

Mama, Sissy, Candace, Brother, Mimi, Auntie, Me, Cousin Breanne, 

Nat up front

These are some of the people I learned to laugh from.

Laugh with your mouth wide open.

Can you spot the "Mode Mouth"? 

This is an older picture, but still the same Staff Team (missing Jodi)

Me, Ash, Rae, Leo, Jon. You guys are seriously the best!

Wise women in my life... teaching me the ways of the Lord, and of the pizookie!

Me, Jodi, Ash dishes up the pizookies!

A Time to Embrace

Port Elizabeth. Friends reunited. Relationships started. Relationships deepened. Laughter. Doing work for the King. Filling of the Holy Spirit. Safaris. Lions. Rhinos. Giraffes. Zebras. New Life. Samosas. Bananagrams. Perfect weather. Indian Ocean. Beach. South Africa. SO good.

first day back in Port Elizabeth

I honestly don’t think there are words that encapsulates just how great last week was. I am literally speechless. I just get a warm fuzzy feeling inside that makes me smile, and cry a little, happy tears, of course.  This, of course, can only mean one thing: that God, Himself, designed this trip to be absolutely perfect in every way. 

oh hey, Indian Ocean

Port Elizabeth greeted my team and I with beautiful weather and wonderful friends, both old and new. We spent the next four days learning, or re-learning, about South African culture of college students and initiating conversations and sharing the Gospel with them. As I was talking with various students on campus, the Lord grew in me a heart of love and compassion and hope for these students.

Aubrey, Me, Sibu (I met her in 2010!), Rae, Jessica

Not only did the Lord deepen my love for the lost, but he also increased my love for my brother and sisters. These six traveled with me for the entire week: Jon, Matt, Ian, Rae, Jessica and Aubrey.  These seven welcomed us and cared for us deeply while in PE: Keith, Desyre, Katy, Annie, Shannon, Karissa, and Nick. To the 13 of you, if you’re reading, thank you from the bottom of my heart for experiencing South Africa with me, looking out for me, laughing with me, caring for me and asking me tough questions. Please know that the Lord used each of you in my life, in amazing ways, in just one short week.

(left to right): Jessica, Ian, Me, Jon, Matt, Aubrey, Rae

on our super sweet safari!

So now what?

Port Elizabeth has surely become one of my favorite places, a place where God is clearly moving, complete with beautiful weather and wonderful people. Why not go to South Africa? That has been one of the toughest questions I’ve had to ask myself, and the Lord, over and over again. And over and over again I hear not now, not now.

pondering what the Lord has in store for me

As much as I love South Africa and as much as I desire to be there I know that there is a purpose to not going. I hear Jesus calling me to lean into him, abide in him, remain in him, and to trust him. Trust him that there is purpose in his timing, in his will, and that he will continue to work out things for my good.

He makes me lie down in green pastures

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill and a time to heal;

a time to break down and a time to build up

a time to weep and a time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to cast away stone, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time sew;

a time to keep silence and a time to speak;

a time to love and a time to hate;

a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

view from our back porch

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for South Africa, for creating such a place that is filled with your beauty 

and people that you care for so deeply. 

Thank you for allowing me to go back to Port Elizabeth.

Thank you for the people that went with me and for the STINT team there.

Thank you for the ways you are still clearly moving at NMMU.

Thank you for the heart you have given me, that enables me to have compassion 

for so many people and love them deeply.

Jesus, help me to trust you, that your plan is greater than my own, 

that you have a good future for me ahead.

Lord, please continue to strengthen 

Keith, Desyre, Katy, Shannon, Annie, Karissa and Nick, 

strength to continue to do the work that you have set before them. 

Thank you for their work that they have done to further the Kingdom. 

Please continue to bless them. 

Lord I pray that the friendships that I have, or have just begun, 

would continue to grow and that they would be rooted in you. 

In Jesus' name. Amen 

clouds like these make me happy, the zebras are a plus

*photo credits: Matt Ward & Rachel Gordon 

Thanks! :) 

Interrupting Joy

I didn't know that my next blog would come so soon. But I guess that's how God works... 


I have a couple of fears that you may not be aware of. First, I don't like to be alone. I am (according to Myers-Briggs) a born extravert. Secondly, I don't like to sing, let alone sing in front of people, let alone listen to myself sing. But somehow, tonight, both of those fears were destroyed, or I'm one step closer to destroying them. 


At 3rd Wednesday at RockHARBOR (a prayer and worship night at the church I attend) I had planned on sitting with people that I knew and to make a long story short that didn't happen. Instead I was forced to sit there and focus on the Lord solely. Not only did I experience the Lord's presence but I also got to pray with and for people that I wouldn't have been able to had I been sitting with my friends! What a blessing it is to bless others!


Before we sang the last worship song of the night, we were reminded as a group, that God calls us His children and to have faith like children. We were challenged as a body to return to the joy of God's great news- that His Son, Jesus, sacrificed His life for us. Challenge accepted. Returning to the joy and hope that is restored in Jesus washed over me like pouring down rain in a drought. 


In the spirit of returning to joy and in the Spirit of God I was singing my heart out, like no one else was there but God Himself. I know this is how we're to worship every time, but I must confess that I am not a regular partaker in the solely singing to God action. 


But wait, it gets better! Remember how I told you that I didn't like the sound of my own singing voice? Well enter me. By myself. In my car. Radio off. Completely overcome with joy. And I cannot stop singing. I literally was shouting at the top of my lungs singing to God and laughing hysterically at the thought that God finds great joy and pleasure in this Himself, which made me sing even more. 


I've posted a link to the song that I was singing here. This, I believe, will be the song that I sing the entire way to South Africa, literally "filling up the skies with endless praise". 


My challenge for you... allow God to move in your heart, to return to the joy of knowing Him and having a relationship with Him, return to the child like faith that so many of us miss, return to Jesus- the One that makes everything whole, and out of this joy sing it out- at the top of your lungs, by yourself, and let the Spirit move you closer to Himself.

Father in Heaven, 

I pray for my brothers and sisters that read this.

I pray that you would draw near to them, 

that you would allow them to throw off every barrier that 

prevents them from knowing and experiencing your joy.

I pray that you will give them their own song, 

a new song that sings of your praises, 

of your love and of your unending grace.

Thank you that you specifically created each of our voices, 

and that you find pleasure in them, 

no matter how off-tone, off-pitch or off-beat they are.

Thank you that you have given life and that 

you have freely given it. 

May the songs in our hearts, that glorify and honor you,

forever be music to your ears.

May you find pleasure in hearing each one play.

In Jesus' name, Amen. 

This Week

Agenda for the week *takes deep breath*: staff meetings, skype dates, coffee dates, starting the 23rd year of my life, making some phone calls, reading a lot, watching the movie premier of a dearly loved book, oh yeah, and don't forget the fact that this time next week I will be on the complete opposite side of the world... don't know how I almost missed that one! Call me crazy, but I guess it's what I do.

Obviously, there is a lot going on.  Staff meetings, skype dates, and coffee dates have become the norm- a  huge part of my life. Staff meetings keep me in the know about what I'm held accountable for work, sometimes we get to have fun, but they are mostly boring ;) Skype dates keep me in the know with my friends and family that are across California, the US and the world. Without these times I would be clueless with how to pray for friends and keep relationships going. Coffee dates are so that I am in the know with friends that are here at home- that physically live close, because I need to know about their lives too!

(relationship saver)

My birthday isn't very exciting, in fact, I dislike it more and more each year. It reminds me that I'm getting old and maturing and having to make decisions and growing up and having to go into the real world for a real job. BUT if I can use it as an excuse for some of my most favorite people to be in the same place at the same time, then by all means let's celebrate the friends we have, the lives we've been given and the blessing that it is that the Lord has given us another year of life in Him! Can I get an Amen?

(cheesecake is actually my favorite, but I couldn't find a birthday cheesecake- do they exist?)

The Hunger Games is not to be taken lightly, but very seriously. I won't say much until after I've seen the movie, but please read the book before! You still have time and it's a quick read. More on this to come later, but nonetheless, both the trilogy and the movie will be a part of this week!

(The infamous Mockingjay pin, must-read to understand, no spoilers here, yet ;) )

Finally, probably the craziest of all these things is the reality that I will travel by plane for a total of 25 hours (not including layovers) to the beautiful, wonderful country of South Africa, live there for a whole 6 1/2 days and make the brutal 25 hour (not including layovers) trek back to the states! Yikes! While in the windy city of Port Elizabeth, I will visit with dear friends (both American and South African), initiate spiritual conversations with NMMU students, go on a safari (again?!?!) and be in the company of some of the most amazing people I know.

(hopefully we'll get some sleep, if not then I pray for a view like this one!)

Now that I've totalled the number things I have going on, I wouldn't trade one of them for anything. Wow! How blessed am I? This is unreal! Somebody please wake me from this dream! Who am I that I get to do all this with in a matter of days? There is just too much goodness for me to handle!

(It seriously is not real... going back to South Africa for the 2nd time in less than two years! Who would say no to that?) 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the life that you've blessed me with- 

one that is full of you, your grace, your work and your amazing people. 

Thank you that I can be a part of 

your Kingdom in such amazing ways. 

Thank you that you have chosen me- 

chosen me to do great works, to become a great work, 

and to get to share that with others. 

Thank you that you have planned the days of my life, 

and that you crafted this week, specifically, to be filled with goodness. 

Thank you that I get to walk closely with my brothers and sisters, 

as we take steps of faith to trust you more and more. 

Jesus, what a life you have given! 

I pray that this week would not become about checklists, agendas, 

and duties, but it would be a week full of your love, grace and mercy, 

and that it would be pleasing, honoring and glorifying to you. 

Lord please grant me the strength and courage to live in your Spirit this week. 

Please teach me more and move me to a closer relationship with you. 

In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Dependency

A few months ago, my roommate and dear friend spoke some truth into my life by telling me how independent I was and how I tend to do things by myself, and her being the awesome roommate that she is, offered help whenever I needed it. At the time, I brushed it aside, I kind of took it as a compliment, but now I see where she was coming from and how much and how often I attempt to do things in my own strength, which (without noticing) leads to...

Hurt, pain and temptation- all forms of weakness in the world's eyes and causes us to run and hide in isolation, in shame and in guilt. Additionally, we all have our own ways of making us feel better without getting to the deeper issues. We run to food, fantasies and facades to help us in our pathetic attempt to make everything seem better. In this attempt we can look like we're wearing one of these...

Recently I read something that speaks into this very issue that we all face

"The age-old story of the Bible is that we try to meet with our own idols the needs God is supposed to meet. We depend on man-made gods instead of the one true God. Again, it is a problem of dependency. Sin is failing to depend on God and not saying yes to his grace in all its various forms. Meeting our needs our way is idolatry and never works."


Needless to say, this hits me in the heart and something that I am so guilty of, even recently. I have heard sin described in so many different ways, all across the spectrum- bad things we do, missing the mark, disobedience, selfishness, the list really goes on. But, at its very core sin is independence, a lack of dependency on the Creator of the universe, who holds all things together.

And now for the sweet, saving part...

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted [hurt and experienced pain] in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin"
Hebrews 4:15

Therefore we should look to Jesus, the high priest, who has gone through, experienced and identifies with our state of hurt, pain and temptation. Solely through his dependence on God was he capable to accomplish and suffer all that he set out to do while here on earth.

Lord Jesus,

I give all praise to you- 

the one who was able to overcome this world and live a sinless life- 

fully dependent on God. 

I confess that so many times in just one week 

I try to meet my own needs, 

without depending on you. 

Please help me to surrender my efforts to you. 

Teach me more of what it means to be dependent on you. 

Fill me with your Spirit so that I may flee from my sin of independence. 

In your name

Amen

From circumstances to call to commission to children

Recently, there have been some set of circumstances that are outside of my control. Some things I just cannot change. I'm not sure about you, but when things don't go my way I am not a happy camper. I only realized this after finding out things that I couldn't change- I used to pride myself on always saying "Lord willing" or "All in God's timing". Sure I said those things and they are true, but the Lord knew where my heart was and is now teaching me about those things. One of my previous roommates and I talk about this a lot. She's probably laughing at me right now... ;)

So circumstances can be uncomfortable, or exciting, or unexpected, but I'm pretty sure that that is one of the main ways the LORD chooses to mold us into the person that we were created to be. It's crazy to think that 4 years ago I was a completely different person and how much the Lord has taught me since then. I look back and think about the circumstances that the Lord used to draw me closer to Him, to serve Him and to love Him. I would say that most of those circumstances I was not okay with. I didn't like them at all- even the dorm I lived in! But looking back that is just one example of how the Lord brought me closer to Him!

In addition to my dorm being one way that the Lord drew me in, was my involvement with Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru). Looking back, I see close friends (now) that were warm and welcoming and cared about me, even though they barely knew me. I see the truth of God's Word come alive in Bible Studies on Tuesday nights at Starbucks. I see amazing community of truth and grace at our weekly meetings and of course, loads of fun.

I trust that the Lord will continue to use similar circumstances in other people's lives, but the Lord has placed a call on my life to be a part of this for His lost sheep. It's crazy to imagine the Lord's plan- none of us can fathom!- but to think that the LORD literally holds everything in His palm! While our calling or our blessings are nice for us- they are really meant for other people to receive and benefit from, and they probably don't know about it! Oswald Chambers depicts this in amazing ways, so I will just conclude with that...







The Commission of the Call by Oswald Chambers


We make calls out of our own spiritual consecration, but when we get right with God He brushes all these aside, and rivets us with a pain that is terrific to one thing we never dreamed of, and for one radiant flashing moment we see what He is after, and we say - "Here am I, send me."

This call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured-out wine. God can never make us wine if we object to the fingers He uses to crush us with. If God would only use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured-out wine in a special way! But when He uses someone whom we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would never submit, and makes those the crushers, we object. We must never choose the scene of our own martyrdom. If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed; you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.

I wonder what kind of finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you, and you have been like a marble and escaped? You are not ripe yet, and if God had squeezed you, the wine would have been remarkably bitter. To be a sacramental personality means that the elements of the natural life are presenced by God as they are broken providentially in His service. We have to be adjusted into God before we can be broken bread in His hands. Keep right with God and let Him do what He likes, and you will find that He is producing the kind of bread and wine that will benefit His other children.

...I want the Lord to use me as poured out wine- to serve others, to help reach His lost sheep. Please help do this for the Lord by joining my Ministry Partner Team! You can do that by clicking here and giving any amount that the Lord leads you to give.

~Until the whole world hears,
E